Not Fit To Print (evilbitchnews) wrote,
Not Fit To Print
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The Great Atheist Conspiracy

Christians can do no wrong. Just ask them, they'll tell you. Lately, every Christian that's come under fire has used as an excuse for immoral or illegal actions a conspiracy aimed at keeping the Christians down.

Let's look at some of these, shall we?

Two cases showing the true extent of the atheist conspiracy occurred in Florida, otherwise known as "America's Limp Wang." The people in Florida are, on average, both stupider than most sponges and more crazy than Alaskans in February, if the news that comes up from that great state is to be believed. Miami-Dade county, that bastion of Floridian pride, recently arrested the head of the Miami Christian Coalition for lying about petition signatures. Also arrested was a notary who notarized his own signature.

These two individuals were responsible for mass vote fraud - entire pages of signatures were faked in the same handwriting on a petition to repeal Miami-Dade County's gay rights ordinance, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of sexual preference. More arrests are expected to come later. The petition drive, by "Take Back Miami-Dade," an organization designed specifically to take away the rights of gays, was filled with forgeries and other irregularities - some residents say they were tricked into signing it by people who said they were circulating a petition in favor of the ordinance.

Massive vote fraud seems to be a pretty good thing to prosecute for, especially when pages of signatures are obviously in the same writing, right? Wrong, say spokespeople for the Miami-Dade County Christian Coalition - as well as their website. A spokesperson for the organization has been widely quoted as saying that "the homosexual mafia" is responsible for the arrests (cue some lame joke about the Fairy Godfather). Their website is even worse, telling members of their organization that being anti-discrimination is tantamount to giving gays special treatment - they say "sexual preference" as if it implies preferred hiring of non-heterosexuals. Those fighting to punish those who forged signatures are called "enemies of democracy."

Funny, I thought ballot-box stuffers were a pretty big threat to democracy, too, guys.

The second, and even more lovely case, involves Florida governor Jeb Bush's appointing a fundamentalist, Jerry Regier, to be the head of Florida's child welfare agency. Not just any fundamentalist - one that thinks child abuse is just dandy. More on this in a minute. Please realize that this is the same agency that recently realized that it had lost hundreds of children who were supposed to be under its care - and now it looks like the situation for abused and neglected Florida kids will only get worse.

See, about a decade ago, Regier was co-chairman of a group that published a pamphlet saying that corporal punishment causing bruises or welts was acceptable according to Christian doctrine.

I guess I never heard Jesus saying "Suffer the little children to come unto me, that I may beat them within an inch of their lives." I must've read that part wrong. The pamphlet also says that women should be in a subservient role to their husbands and stay at home. Now, a woman being subservient, that's not always a bad thing - and I say this with a smirk. But it's obvious he's not talking about "play" here. His beliefs would keep many emotionally and physically abused children in their abusive homes.

And Florida state legislators think that's just great. "Mr. Regier is very focused on prevention rather than taking kids out homes. This is a real good marriage," says one, displaying equal command of logical thought and good grammar. Prevention of what? Not prevention of abuse, surely - prevention of children being taken out of their homes, even when those homes are causing them physical harm.

Is he fit to be the head of a child welfare agency? My magic 8-Ball said it best: "My sources say no."

But when people have called for his resignation, he has had plenty of excuses. He didn't write the pamphlet, he said, and he has no responsibility for it. Oh really? Sorry, if you're the co-chair of the place that publishes it, you're responsible for its content and should be ready to own up to it. It's like being the captain of a ship or the CEO of a company - you're the fall guy. It's part of the price of being at the top. You can't disown what you did or said then, especially not when it's so relevant to a position now.

And when these excuses don't add up (he wrote an article solo saying many of the same things), he cries foul. Jeb Bush spoke up for him, saying, "It really doesn't matter if Jerry has a deep and abiding faith and it certainly doesn't disqualify him for public service. I think there's bigotry here and it troubles me."

I don't give a fuck if he has deep and abiding faith, Mr. Bush. He can have all the faith he wants. But when his faith causes him to allow children to be abused, he's not suitable for that position. It's not about his faith, it's about the fact that his definitions of abuse are skewed and will lead to many hurt or even dead children.

But the fundamentalist Christians say that any time you say something against one of them, you're saying something against christianity as a whole - and that simply doesn't add up. According to them, if you speak out against someone who committed a crime or is unfit for their position, you are a bigot. Under this logic, I suppose that if a fundamentalist Klansman were named head of the Department of Education and you objected, or if a fundamentalist serial killer were named Attorney General, we'd be bigoted for saying they were unfit for office.

People with views obviously intended to subvert laws should not be appointed to positions in charge of their enforcement, period. It has nothing to do with religion, it has everything to do with the democratic process and maintaining law in society.
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